Mabon & the Shadow Self

Persephone has descended back to the underworld and Demeter morns for the lose of her daughter. Trees, flowers, grass, begin to die, grains, seeds, and rooted foods are ready for harvest, and the northern hemisphere prepares for a long, cold winter. As we prepare our homes, our yards, our gardens for the death of winter's approach, there is something else that should be prepared, your inner self.

Many of us are busy in the spring and summer months, being with the kids, vacations, yard work, planting and tending gardens, beaches, BBQs, festivals, and just being active. As fall draws in and winter approaches, we stay inside more, and eventually, stay indoors with the warmth almost daily. This can cause us to begin to look at ourselves, and see who we are, mentally, physically, and spiritually. This time of "darkness" can draw out our shadow selves. 

Our shadow selves are the darker parts of ourselves. Addictions, negative habits, sadness, grudges, anger, hatred, and a myriad of other negative or hindering emotions and being that haunt us, either overwhelmingly or just as a whisper. Working on the shadow self takes time, energy, effort, but, once we have grasped the smallest measure of it's existence we are lifted to a higher plain in our lives. It can be, and sometimes is, a scary journey to look within yourself. When I think of looking within myself, and comforting my shadow self, I often think of The Never Ending Story, when Atreyu comes to the Magic Mirror Gate and sees Bastian on the other side, looking at him. Atreyu came to know himself as a strong warrior but now sees himself as a scared, lonely child he really is. Atreyu had to push past that shocking realization, past that very human emotion, and carry on. What do you see when you stand in front of the magic mirror gate? Do you believe you could be like Atreyu and walk through that gate, knowing what you now know of yourself?

Mabon, the second harvest, the first day of fall, the beginning of the end is a great time to begin that work on the shadow self. The days grow shorter, nights grow longer, and we are pushed into a world of cold and darkness almost forced to look within ourselves for comfort. What do you see? What do you feel? How deep within yourself are you willing to go? As you winterize your home and garden, begin to see how you can winterize yourself. What cracks, holes, openings need cleaning and insulating within yourself? No, this is not a time to look within and punish yourself for things, nor is it a time to look within, see your shadow self, and try to rid it or suppress it, but, it's a time to see your shadow self and embrace it. Your shadow self is what makes you who you are, and is what gives you strength. If you see you have an addiction that is harming you, recognize it for what it is. Is there a lesson, a reason, an excuse for that addiction? Has it been a comfort in your life? What has it comforted you from? Where do you stand with that addiction now? Is that addiction still needed or is it time to replace that addiction and move on? You may always be an addict, but, coming to understand that particular addiction, you will no longer allow yourself to be harmed by that addiction, but instead, you will become the aid to those still allowing their addictions to harm them. 

Have I lost you? Did you think this would be a step by step on getting rid of your shadow self? DOH! Maybe I should have put up a disclaimer.

No, you will never banish or rid your shadow self, it will always be there, and you will always, for the rest of your life, find more and more shadow selves. This is part of your life journey, sometimes it's quick and easy, sometimes, one shadow self can take a life time to accept. Everything is a lesson, mistakes, heartbreak, happiness, sadness, lose, and gain, it's a lesson. Sometimes that lesson is for you, sometimes you are the giver of that lesson, but, there is always a lesson. Always.

So, take time this Mabon to look within yourself, go to your magic mirror gate, see what shadow self pops up. Then, sit with it, talk to it, because it's you. Once you have spoken to your shadow self, and you understand why it's there, you can begin to learn and teach the lessons the shadow self has given you.

Good luck and many blessings on your journey.

Your Personal Magic Mirror Gate:
Cleansed water (adding a pinch of sea salt can clean your tab water)
Tapered Black candle (not to long)
Quiet, dark room
(It is always best to do this working at night, with all is still and sleeping)
Shadow Journal

Light the candle, and poor a few drops of wax into the bottom of the bowl.
Pour the water into the bowl
Turn off all the light, turn off all the sounds, no cell phones, no radio, complete silence and darkness
Sit in front of your bowl, arranging it to where you can see a bit of reflection in the water. 

I walk to the gate of my inner self
Allow my soul to open
Allow my eyes to see 

Say the chant 3 times, then pause a few minutes to listen to yourself. Repeat as often as needed, and journal what you feel. 

This is your personal magic mirror gate, come to it as often as you need. Use it, let it be yours, and if you need to add more to the working, or less to the working. This is yours.


These past few weeks I've had a battle going on with my anger. It started with frustration and grew from there. I come by having "anger issues" honestly, my father was Irish, my mother was half Scottish half Cherokee, so, we are pretty well versed in the whole anger aspect. So, when I say I was having a battle going on with my anger, you can pretty much believe me, it was a battle.

Anger is the most interesting of emotions we as humans have. Women, especially in the south, are raised that getting angry is rude. Men are raised to let there anger out through fighting. However, no where in our raising is it told to us that it's normal, and good to be angry. There wasn't really a time in your childhood where when you got angry, your parent said, allow yourself to be angry. Permission to be angry wasn't something readily given. Without the permission, anger usually was stifled, held in, kept on the down low, even felt guilty about. The one apology that I hear a lot that bothers me is, "I'm sorry I got angry" Why be sorry, it's your anger, your emotion, why do you have to be sorry you got angry? "Never apologize for your emotions", that is always my response.

What is the issue with anger is when people don't give themselves permission to be angry. When that happens, is when all the issues begin. People argue, fight, say things out of anger, hurt others, hurt themselves, all out of an emotion that is completely natural to have, but rarely accepted having. I have let my anger over power me many times in my life, and just this past couple of weeks it has been a struggle to remember, it's ok to be angry, I have every right to be angry, now, how can I use this anger to put my point out there to get what I need in a positive way.

The moment you take time to accept your anger, is when you can give yourself permission to be angry. Once you have given yourself that permission, your anger has been noticed, and you can finally sit back, and begin to understand the anger. Once you understand your anger, your mind is clear to proceed in fixing or leaving, or what ever you need to do to rectify the situation that mad you angry. All though anger is a normal emotion, anger is a warning that something that has happened to you is not working with you, and it must be corrected or left.

Remember, people do not wake up each morning thinking, "What can I do to piss so and so off today" Universe doesn't pick you out of a crowd just to make sure you are having a bad day. Anger, and becoming angry is YOUR reaction to the situation, not the situation reacting to you.

Mantra for understanding and accepting your anger ~ Kieran Nightstar

(repeat as often as needed, scream it, cry through it, squeeze a stress ball, grit your teeth. As you continue to repeat it, you will begin to become more clear in your anger, and move on from there)

I am anger
Anger is me
My anger is mine and mine to keep.

Anger is my teacher
The student I am
I open myself to lessons given from Anger's hand

This lesson is mine
A light on my path
What anger has shown me, is now my peaceful bath

Ch Ch Ch Ch Changes......

"Turn and face the strain..."

This is the weekend of Lughnasadh, the first of 3 harvest festivals in the Lunar Calendar, and this is a wonderful time for those changes. At the time of Ostara we have planted things that we wish to grow in our spirits:

and much much more, well, now is the time to reap what you have sown.

The question is though, have you made the changes to even be able to reap what you've sown?

If you continue to try and grow in your spiritual garden the same thing every year and you aren't getting that abundance, you need to look at the soil. Is it weak, does it have the nutrients, fertilizer, compost. Is it filled with rocks, debris, have you neglected your garden and let it get over run with weeds?

This time a year, I see so many Pagans who have tried and put out there to change something about themselves and bring forth something to replace or fill the change but, they are frustrated it didn't happen. Yes, you do put out there the change or fulfillment you desire, but YOU can not sit back and just let it happen. If you do, I dare say you will be disappointed. If you have planted a seed in your life, you must baby, love, care, and tend that seed everyday. You are the soil, the sun, the rain, and the can even be the weeds.

So, this Lughnasadh weekend, as you begin to pick through your garden, think abut what YOU have done that has allowed that garden to either grow and flourish, or, wither and die.

A Successfully Failed Commitment

I'm well known for starting something, dedicating to it, then seeing how it works for me, and if it doesn't work, then, with no regrets, leaving the commitment with many lessons learned. This has been known to annoy many people, but, it's not something I feel I need to change in my life. Call it my Irish heritage, my Gemini nature, or me being a bit flaky, but, this is how I am able to learn my lessons in life.

On that note, I want to talk about my successfully failed commitment to not eating meat, dairy, and living strictly plant based.

At the beginning of the year, myself with my family supporting me and making the commitment with me decided to go strictly plant based. It has been something that has haunted me to do for many years. It was always a joke between me and my husband, "I want to not eat meat, but, can't choke down cold or raw veges, including salads." They smell wonderful, and make my mouth water, but, I just can't seem to get them down for nothing. So, over the years, I tried, and failed not successfully failed, just flat out fell off the wagon.

I decided to make the commitment after watching the movie Forks Over Knives, which discusses the effects of meat in the body in great detail. (I highly recommend this movie to everyone to better understand, not just the effects of meat, but, the effects of GMOs and the benefits of living plant based). After that, I got Roger to watch it, the kids watched it, and after much discussion, I made the commitment, as did Roger, and the kids, well, I'm the Tattooed Pagan Mom ;) There were other reasons I made the commitment as well, my mother's death, my weight gain, my health was declining, my body was hurting from carrying the weight, and I was not happy with myself or how I was feeding my family. I needed the change, I wanted the change, and in my true form of my many commitments, go big or go home.

We took the steps to change, got rid of the meat we had, bought many more herbs and spices, and learned a lot about plant based living through books like Forks Over Knives, Engine2 Diet, and Happy Herbivore. Yes, my cookbook collection grew by 4 books. Over time, I felt so good, weight was coming off, I was learning so much about different plants, veggies, fruits. I learned about aminos, brewer's yest, TVP, many different grains, and even learned that Kighla has a glutton allergy. However, I started and so did Kathleen, to feel tired more and more. Kathleen and myself are anemic, and all though we took supplements, it wasn't enough. So, we added organic dairy and eggs back into our diet. That small change really helped myself and Kathleen, along with supplements, to feel much better.

That, however, was the gateway drug...

At times of the month, when mine or Kathleen's iron was the lowest, we would get some seafood, and there was one time my iron was WAY low, Roger did buy a steak, small portion, but, he was determined to get that iron and B12 in me, no matter what. We still continued to by organic, plant based, and I was still learning. I discovered seasonal shopping, farmer's markets, and re discovered my love for cooking, making bread, and began to teach myself canning. I continued to learn, to experiment, to feel good about my shopping choices, reading labels, and learned to incorporate veggies we thought we would never touch into our meals. My kids were doing the same thing, eating raw fruits and veggies like they were going out of style, becoming more active, happier, and their skin cleared up, hair shinier, and they became more aware to things. Roger was even showing health improvements as well as myself. I was still, in my mind, determined to be plant based.

I came back to reality when we went to the Marietta Square Farmer's Market and saw a farmer selling organic, grain fed meat which he raised himself. My mind began turning from there, (Roger's look of desperate cave man hunger didn't help matters either). I began to look into organic, grain fed meats, we were already buying free range eggs, and sometimes organic milk, and we were tossing that meat in there when the moon fell right on myself and Kathleen, so, I allowed myself to research and then to buy some organic, grain fed, hormone free meats. Talk about the silly shocked faces on my family when they saw that lol.

So, why is this a successfully failed commitment?

Well, I discovered in the past 7 months, I'm not a vegan, I'm not a vegetarian, I am an organic, free spirited, plant based, tree hugging healer. It's not that I needed to cut out meat, I needed to change my lifestyle. The guilt I would have eating meat, has been replaced with the knowledge that I not only buy organic and seasonal, but, I support local farmers and small business owners. I have plenty of vegan meals along with meals with small portions of organic, free range meats & dairy. My children and husband are healthy, I am healthy, and we live a healthy (ish...still smoke, so don't go there) lifestyle where food is our medicine and medicine is our food.

If you need to change your lifestyle, start with your eating habits. Start slow, see how it works for you. I learned SO much in the past 7 months. I don't spend anymore in groceries then I did when we were buying the bad stuff. I still clip coupons, I still make grocery lists, but now, I shop more often, instead of once a week. I cook more, with plenty of help from my cookbooks. I enjoy feeding my family, and watching them grow. I have no guilt this time of falling off the wagon. We don't have meat at every meal, or every other meal. We have meat in small portions, with plenty of veges, and it's all natural, healthy, and I'm proud to be an omnivore again.

(JUST FYI...we tried free range chicken burgers last night and discovered, we enjoy veggie burgers MUCH MUCH more)

Another Leader Descends...

As I was reading Facebook the other day there was a posting by a Pagan leader who's blog I've followed for a while, however,  his latest posting was disheartening. He was announcing he was stepping down from the leadership role, and working to bring back his anonymity. Do to his blog, I will not announce who it is, or give the name of the blog, out of respect of his request. It wasn't a surprise he was stepping down, nor was it a surprise the reasons why, only a sadness that another influential leader has decided to step down, and go back into the shadows of anonymity.

Currently, I'm working to become a leader in the Pagan community, to become a known healer and teacher in this community and it's what I've wanted since I was 17 and looked into the night sky and heard the Mother's voice give me my first magickal name. As I walk this path of growth, I watch other leaders, I see how they are treated, how hard they work, and how they are not given the credit they deserve. Being a leader, HP/HPs or healer/teacher is a path of service. You willingly give up your time, yourself, to give to others you know or don't know. You sacrifice many things to do this, family, home, jobs, money, comfort, however, the call is so strong you can't resist. They are many reasons why a leader may step down, but, it all comes back to one thing....their fountain ran empty.

One leader I watch all the time, even more then she knows I believe, is my teacher/HPs. She goes, goes, goes, continually, everyday. She gives, and gives to the community. She teaches giving to the community, and she sacrifices much to give to the community. I've watched her push through personal illness, personal tragedies, and personal exhaustion, and she did all of this with a smile and her soft voice of reasoning and understanding. I truly admire, and worry about her. I admire her dedication, and I worry, will she be the next who's fountain runs dry?

There are leaders in the community who abuse their power, I won't name names, but, I have been around many on my path. They take from their followers, money, confidence, their own thoughts, and use what they have taken to build themselves up. They reach out to degrade other leaders so that they can remain on top, and they use their authority to push around their followers, and any others they may begin follow them just so they can live a life of ego and selfish endowments.  Their fountains rarely run dry, however, sooner or later, the fountains of their followers, do.

This brings me to the conclusion of the good being taken advantage of, and the bad over powering the good. The typical, "nice guy" syndrome. The good, respectful leaders give, and give, and give to the community. They are called upon, and since the draw to help is so strong, they agree to help or aid, with little or no return. Students come in to their classes, take away the knowledge, without an exchange energy. I've seen teachers teach classes for donations only and they may have a class of 30 students, and the donations they received are only $5. However, the teacher just smiles, and talks about how wonderful and active the class was, and is excited to teach again. There have been leaders put together festivals, asking for volunteers to help and assist in cleaning, setting up, taking down, or any number of small chores, and they receive little or no reply. I, myself, have gone out to parking lots, grabbing people, pulling them in, to help sweep a floor, or put up tables and chairs, even though they see the 1 or 2 people struggling to clean by themselves and offer no help.

We are draining the fountains of our leaders. We, all of us, are guilty of this. Those that follow the leaders that drain others, don't see what is happening to them because they are given blinders, and being used. Those that don't wear the blinders of a negative leader, want to only do what they want to do, and not be told by anyone otherwise. Many Pagans believe classes, festivals, workshops, and other items should be free, and freely given. There is a difference there, the above is freely given when you have the right leader giving it, however, it is not, and never has been free.

The next class, workshop, festival, ritual you attend, look around, add up the cost of the site, the materials, the food, the shelter, and figure in the time to put together these things. Look at the ones who put it together, are they sitting around, laughing or talking, or are they running back and forth like a chicken with their heads cut off? Take time to speak to your leaders, ask them what they need. Do they need monetary donations for materials? Do they need volunteers? Do they need someone to just bring some candles, incense, or other small material to donate to the gathering?

Ask them next time, what do you need to keep your fountain flowing?

I promise you, they will have an answer.

There is a Balance There, am I Missing It?

I've spoken to many friends who not only have a day job, kids, bills, dinner times, bed times, and all that but also have a spiritual practice of some type and they are not finding the needed balance. I, personally go through the exact same thing. In fact, with my day job, it's very difficult to find a way to work that along with promoting my spiritual practices, healing, and working on my personal studies. I was attempting, a couple of weeks ago, to work on promoting my healing practice while also working my day job. I work from home, so I thought, I could do both....yea, I was wrong.

As I'm working on creating my profile, one of my clients from my day job was IMing me, and well, my day job and healing practice do not coincide so my brain was being pulled in two completely opposite directions. It was not pretty. I finally just logged off my day job, put my computer to sleep, and left my office frustrated that absolutely NOTHING got accomplished.

Since I do work from home, I have the added challenge, along with others who work from home, of making sure I'm dedicating the right amount of work to each job that I have so that nothing is neglected. I was speaking to a good friend of mine at Beltane Bash this past weekend, and he was making a great point. He is a good father, a good husband, a good business owner, but, with all that he does, something gets neglected every time, and that's not fair.

It isn't, I agree.

Finding the balance, especially today, is near impossible. When you're also a spiritual teacher, healer, adviser, or other, it's even more difficult. We, as the above, sacrifice our time and self to give to others, and the job does not pay well, so, we must have day jobs. While we work our day jobs, we are always pulled to do more spiritual work, and it takes us away from putting in 100% to our paying day jobs. Then, we have family, and we must put 100% into our families, however, our hearts are pulled to that spiritual practice that is put on the back burner while we tuck in our loved ones, help with homework, go to the grocery store, or any other mundane action we do with love and willingness for our families. Then, by the time we are able to get to what our hearts are drawn to, our minds are somewhere else. We're thinking, I need to cook dinner, or did I complete that assignment for my boss, did I pay the water bill, and so on. So we are not 100% into what our hearts draw us to.

It's a very difficult road to travel.

I do not have a solution to the issue, I wish I did, however, I know I am not alone in this problem, and you should know you aren't alone either. What keeps me going is knowing my healing and teaching, and spiritual advise is needed. My love for my family is needed, and my job needs me to be dependable. I'm needed, as are you. As a healer, teacher, Priest, Priestess, and more, you are a servant to the masses, and you ARE needed. We, in this field, have chosen to give ourselves to the public, and that may mean some of our sanity while we work to balance our jobs and home life. I study at night when I can, I work on weekends to promote my services, My family is 24/7 and my day job is 12/5, (sometimes even weekends) but, with all the stress, over working, and concerns I have working to maintain a hint of balance, I wouldn't trade my life for anything.

I hope you feel the same.

Good luck, remember, the healer needs to be healed, the adviser needs advise, and we are all needed in this world. You are important.

Easter, Ostara, & Passover...Oh My!

Oh no... run, hide, and bring your zombie disaster kits, it's another holiday battle going on!!!

Today is Easter, April 8th, the Christian holiday celebrating the resurrection of Jesus after being crucified for claiming to be the Son of God. This is a day where Christians celebrate with family and go to church welcome spring, have a feast, and just generally enjoy knowing that their God helped deliver them from original sin by sacrificing His Son. (all my sins forgiven by proxy, sounds to me like a reason to party)

Not to long ago, there was Ostara, March 19th - 20th, the Pagan celebration of the Spring Equinox, a time of fertility, rebirth, and growth. If you made it through the long cold winter months to spring, then, you have a reason to celebrate. Pagans generally get together with family and friends and celebrate through renewal and rebirth rituals, planting gardens, feasting, and celebrating the fact that the Earth is alive again. (Yea, getting through the winter, another reason to party)

As we speak, Passover is going on, April 6th - 14th, the Jewish celebration of God's deliverance from the Egyptians, through Moses and of slavery & death. This is a time where the Jewish people get together for celebration with family and friends through the removal of chametz, or leavened food, and the Passover feast, or Seder meal. (being rescued from slavery and death, yup, another reason to party)

With those 3 holiday's going on that are clearly a positive celebration of life why is there so much fighting? (Pagans, I'm talking to you too) Seriously, I go on Facebook and see my Pagan friends and family saying things like, Easter is a Pagan holiday, Thank a Pagan for your Holiday, so many attacks on the Christian belief. However, then I look further, and see my Christian friends and family attacking with things like, Easter is a Christian holiday, and There is only 1 God who was resurrected today, blah blah, and the poor Jews are stuck in the middle. Christian's trying to celebrate Passover & Easter, and the Pagans trying to get the Jews on their side because the Jews don't follow that Jesus was the Son of God.

It's a friggen mess!!!

Take a moment and read each holiday again. What do you see in common? If you look hard you will see a lot;
Death & Rebirth
Cleansing & Renewing
Family & Friends

Easter, Ostara, Passover, they are all basically the same just celebrated differently. This is a time of death and rebirth, a time to clean out the old and make way for the new, a time to celebrate LIFE!! The flowers & plants are blooming and the baby birds and animals are being born. With all the pollen, the trees are even having sex to celebrate life, so why in the hell is every at each other's throats?

I'll tell you why, pride, evil pride. Fighting about who owns what, who did what first, where what came from, it's enough to turn a person atheist. Pride is an evil within all religions, spiritual beliefs, and even mundane life. Pride can kill a persons eyesight, make them blind to life, and blind to the beauty of diversity. Spirituality is beautiful, a belief, knowing that you are not alone and are able to turn to a higher force, weather that force is in your heart, the heavens, or here on Earth. Don't let pride cloud your judgement and hamper your love to all. Instead, look at the beauty of the diversity on this Earth, in this country. If you are unable to do that, and are determined to claim to be the first and only of that holiday, then head to India, become Hindu, and celebrate Baiskhi.

As for me, I think I will celebrate Spring and go plant something today!
Happy Easter!

Trayvon Martin, Judge Not....

In the news you may have been following the case of a young man named Trayvon Martin. He was 17 years old, good student, football player, had a smile that could melt your heart. He was visiting his father and his father's fiancee in an affluent gated community when he decided that evening to go get a snack at the local convince store. 

Needless to say, he didn't return.

The neighborhood hood had a neighborhood watch program, George Zimmerman was doing his duty keeping on eye on the neighborhood when he noticed a black male, wearing a hoodie, with his hands in his pocket walking down the street. So, he decided to do his "duty" grabbed his gun, and preceded to follow the mysterious, hooded black male. He called 911, and admitted he was pursuing the black male on foot. The operator tells him to back down....

Gun shots

George Zimmerman shot and killed that mysterious black male in "self defense" 

I'm sure you caught on that Trayvon Martin was that mysterious black male George Zimmerman was so avidly protecting his neighborhood from. Zimmerman continued to peruse Martin, even when told to back down, then shot him, right there, on the streets. Martin was armed...with skittles and iced tea.

As I have followed this story it continues to break my heart. Listening to Martin's parents talk about their son, finding out Zimmerman was released from jail because he claimed self defense under Florida's "Stand Your Ground" Law (1998 FLORIDA STATUTES CHAPTER 776JUSTIFIABLE USE OF FORCE) If you take time to read the laws you will see how vague they are, so, of course all Zimmerman had to say was he felt threatened and they would let him off. Accordance to FL law, Zimmerman did nothing wrong, he defended himself, against a scared teenage boy armed with skittles and iced tea, wearing a hoodie, walking back from the convince store talking to his girlfriend. He girlfriend, who was on the phone with Martin at the time of the shooting, said that Martin was telling her he was being followed, and he was scared for his safety.

People tend to judge first and ask questions later. Zimmerman did that, he reacted on 2 things, racial judgement, and fear. Those do not make a safe combination, especially for someone who has a gun. I see everyday how people judge others, and it does sadden my heart. I've even had to tell my children, people judge you by your looks first, your personality, intelligence, and talent second. I do not believe Zimmerman is a bad man, nor does he want to just go out and shoot someone to just shoot them. I believe he made a terrible mistake, but, I believe he should be made accountable for his mistake. When you continually peruse someone that is not self defense, when you are holding the gun, and they are holding candy, that's not self defense. I believe Zimmerman knows that, and I believe he is hiding behind a law that has a loop hole just big enough to fit around him. 

We must not judge, we must not keep this racial profiling, and we must allow our self to go beyond our fears and learn to embrace our brothers and sisters. I'm not saying be gullible and expect everyone to be good and kind all the time, but I am saying everyone has goodness in them. You don't know a person until you allow yourself to get to know them. 

Remember, to all my Christian friends/family - 1 Thessalonians 5:2 "For you yourselves know perfectly that the day of the Lord so cometh as a thief in the night" 
Remember to all my Pagan friends/family - Wiccan Rede "Mind the three fold law ye should - three times bad and three times good
Remember to all my friends/family of other beliefs - The Law of One "We are all one. When one is harmed, all are harmed. When one is helped, all are healed."

More on the story of Trayvon Martin;

Forks, Paths, and Journeys

It's been a long while since I posted, and I've taken this time as "down" time. Sometimes, taking a little jump into a silent or slightly silent abyss is absolutely necessary for you to regroup and refocus. That's what I've been doing, refocusing.

There are many times we come to a fork in the road on our paths, sometimes we know it, but, most of the time we are unaware at how a choice can drastically change our direction in life. I had to make that unaware choice many times, but, the past few months, I've been aware of myself standing at that fork. Looking down each path, going through the what if's and trying to remember the vague directions I have been given though out life. I've been standing at the fork for a few months, and I have jumped into a slightly silent abyss while making the choice of which way to go, left....or....right?

As you all know, I've been a very active woman, working with North Georgia Solitaries, Pagan Assistance Fund, running my business, A Spiritual Blend, with my husband, assisting with festival planning, and teaching workshops out of Forever and a Day. Not to mention becoming adjusted to homeschooling my children, the lose of my mother, and more recently my father, and all around being a mommy, wife, and having a full time job. So, this fork I've stood at is a very large fork, and each path looks completely different than the other one. Needless to say, I stood there, thinking, and debating, because I know, this choice, is going to be a life changing choice, and I will never come to this fork again.

Currently, on this path I choose, I've left the unknowing, scared, and slightly confused student behind, and have transformed into a more confident, willing, peaceful, and more stable student, teacher, and healer. As I journey down this new path, stopping every few feet to study with my teachers, Lady Charissa and Lady Hannah-Fey, I look at them with wide wonder. They are 2 beautiful women that I admire and love deeply, and they have selflessly given themselves to me. They offer their knowledge and support, understanding guidance to my blunders, and glowing pride at my accomplishments.

As I remember the hard, hole filled, root covered path I was on, when I began my spiritual journeys, I realize how strong my legs have become, and how aware my feet are, and my worries are no longer, tripping and falling. My worries are no longer, will I be able to see in the darkness, and they are no longer questioning the broken signs on the side of the road. My worries now have gone from my own journey, to others. I worry for others out there who are new to their path, and worry about them as they trip and fall, as they question the broken signs on the road, and as the squint through the darkness looking for a shimmer of light. I worry for others as a mother worries for her children. I know, in my heart others will make it through that journey, but what makes me feel peace with my worries, is knowing the new Path I'm on, is parallel to those on the hole filled, root covered path. They can hear my comforting voice as I encourage them to stand and brush themselves off. They can hear me as I give warning of the large root ahead of them, so they have a chance to walk around it. Like my teachers I have now, I'm confident to give to other understanding guidance to other's blunders, and glowing pride in other's accomplishments.

My new journey has put me on a path of empathy, healing, teaching, and loving all. I now offer that spiritual guidance to those in need, and everyday teach others to breath, be aware, and I live more by example then by speaking. As I journey into Clergy, I'm awakened to so many different sides of myself and others. As I journey through Karuna Reiki, my empathy for the world is opened wide, and I want to give healing to all. I'm a Priestess of the Goddess, a daughter of Brigit and Lugh, the messenger of The Morrigan, the Healer through Kawn Yin, and a on this new path of mine, I look beside me at you, holding my hand out through the rushes, to hold yours, so that when you fall, it is easier to rise again.